All my life I’ve done whatever I’m supposed to do, I live my life by the book. Go to school, get good grades, go to college, get a scholarship, get good grades, find a good job and keep climbing the corporate ladder. Not to brag, but I had a full time job and a contract with a good company even before I graduated from college and I haven’t stopped working since then (who am I kidding, we all love to brag a little). Truth is, I’ve done all of it and I’ve done it good, I’m really proud of everything I’ve achieved in my life. But, yes yes there’s always a but… I’ve never stopped to really think about it. I really never had this conversation with myself, with my soul where we talked about what we wanted out of life, what made us thrive and feel like rockstars. I recently did it and it helped me put my whole life in perspective.
I realized that I don’t wanna have a job just for the sake of having one, that I don’t wanna do good in one area of my life above everything else. I’m so glad I had the opportunity to live the experience that I’m living right now because it made me see how important it is for me to have a good life close to my people. Nothing is worth it if you go back to an empty house every night. Learning that has been huge to me because knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want. With that feeling in my heart, with a dream in my head and excited about the next chapter is that I decided to come home.
People have told me I’m quitting because “if it was easy everyone would do it”, but I don’t see it that way. No matter how hard or easy something is, the people who are willing to do it are going to do it no matter what and that’s ok for them, not for me in this particular case. And I know people will probably say that I don’t know what I want or where I’m going, they’ll question me about it and that’s ok. Everyone’s entitled to have an opinion but they’re not entitled to judge me. Because when you judge me, you do it based on your values and your very own definition of success and happiness and those definitions are most likely different to mine. So no, I don’t take other people’s judgment personal and I’m not asking for anyone’s permission anyway, I’m just asking for your support. So if you can’t give that, don’t say anything at all. Honestly, every question you have in your head like “What’s next? Do you have a job? How are you gonna make a living now? What if you run out of money? What if your new project is not good at all? What if you don’t find a job that pays that good?…” All those questions are in my head, but I’ve managed to put them in a little box in the back of it all because when I let them out, fear comes along with them and the only thing that I can’t let myself to feel right now is fear.
Let’s be honest, we all struggle, we all go through periods of time where we question our present circumstances and the easiest thing to do in those moments is to just settle back out of fear of not knowing what would happen if we change our circumstances once more. But I’d rather do something about it, keep the needle moving rather than have it in the safest place. I’m really happy with my decision and I’m at peace because in My soul I know that this struggle will lead me to something richer and more amazing than I can imagine at this moment. So this time next year I’m gonna look back and say I learned a lot, I grew in so many ways and I’ve come a long way, I DID NOT FAIL.