I think that by now most of you know that I moved out of my mom’s house, got a new job, and started living in a new city. Yay me!! All that sound amazing until… it’s not. All this has been harder than I thought, and, as hard as it is, I can now say to you that I was not feeling that good. I mean I have a good life; I have a pretty place, I do whatever I want, it takes me like 2 seconds to get to my office (which is pretty amaaazing!). There are tons of good things about this change, but I guess I wanted to keep a happy face to show my friends and family that I was a champion and I was doing better than ever, when I actually wasn’t.
Keeping a good face and your chin up is hard, specially when you feel like you have to prove something to the world, and that’s exactly what I was doing until I hit rock bottom. I called my mom, burst into tears and said “I’m a failure, this job is too much for me, I hate it, I can’t do it. I quit.” In that moment I felt so sad yet so relieved. I honestly thought my mom was gonna feel disappointed, but she wasn’t. Actually she let me see that I wasn’t a failure not even close to being one, I was just going through a phase and it’s ok to fell overwhelmed. My boyfriend told me the same thing, and so did my boss.
I’m not quitting my job, in case you are wondering. I did have a little chat with my boss and with a girl I work with that I’m glad I can call my friend now (I finally have friends here yaaay!!), and I felt better. I realised my job it’s just that, a job. I decided I’m taking one day at a time, I’m giving my all while doing it, and I’m always gonna do the best I can. Most importantly, I’m never ever ever again telling myself that I’m a failure, cause I’m not. But I will remind myself every day that it’s ok to stumble, it’s ok to fall as long as I get back up, it’s ok to say “I don’t know” or “I can’t do this” because I am not a superwoman and I don’t have the answers to everything. I’m learning and I’m growing and I’m not gonna apologise for being who I am and what I am at this moment.
So if you ever feel like you are a failure or if you’re feeling down, please remind yourself that it’s good to feel that way. You have to acknowledge it, you have to move passed it, and keep in mind that a moment of weakness does not and will never define you because you are a freaking badass no matter what. Don’t listen to your ego, don’t be your own enemy, and don’t let anyone else make you feel like you are something you are not. Keep shinning, always because epic failures don’t define you, they guide you and take you one step closer to your goal.
(I decided to turn that last phrase into a poster just cause I think I did a good job with it and it deserves a poster haha!)